Friday, February 1, 2013

#43: #FugitiveFest

Lucky's taking advantage of the improvised Fugitive Fest. Photo from

Due to the quarters to semesters change, many Ohio University “fests”, which have traditionally been held during warm May weekends, have been moved to chillier April weekends. This has led to much speculation about the future of OU “fests” and the inclusion of Ohio University on the Princeton Review party school rankings. However, on Wednesday, an unplanned emergency on campus allowed students to show the country their true party school potential.

On two separate occasions within a 12-month period, Athens, Ohio has become a haven for criminal activity. First, during Spring Semester 2012, to the ire of the community, an escaped convict gallivanted about campus. Now, on Jan. 30, 2013 an armed robbery occurred near Stocker Center, resulting in a campus closure at noon for the rest of the day. The truly ingenious factor in the armed robbery however, wasn't the five dollars that the suspect was able to pilfer from an unwitting college student; rather it was the festivities that ensued afterwards.

Drunk, or Athens?

With an unofficial mid-week holiday, it’s reasonable to assume that most college campuses would break out into sporadic parties. After all, the tradition of massive alcohol consumption isn’t a new phenomenon in college towns. However, the fashion in which Court Street blossomed into a sea of delirious drunkards was truly something special. Within 30 minutes of Vice President Lombardi’s tweet that classes were cancelled, a new “hashtag” started circulating throughout the Athens’s Twitter-verse: #FugitiveFest. The newly dubbed fest quickly gained momentum and soon, an alternative media outlet picked up on the story. turned the story around within a few hours, not highlighting the robbery, but rather the day drinking festivities that were being held in bars, as well as in off campus residences.

While making any excuse to day drink may not be uniquely Athens, the exuberance and ingenuity that the student body felt toward having a beer instead of heading to class definitely is. Not to mention the haste with which so many students disregarded the possibility of a gunman showing up on Court Street and knocking over a few more poor college students. Fugitive fest proved to be a success and should serve as a catalyst to skyrocket OU back to the top of the party school rankings, in 2013, making the impromptu party, purely: ATHENS.

Friday, January 18, 2013

#42: Syllabus Week

One student's triumphant, Tuesday syllabus week night

While the bars on the brick street will have thirsty students stumbling in and out on any given day of the week, Athens’ notorious “Syllabus Week” tends to bring out the best in OU student’s weeknight drinking habits. As we go into our first spring semester, one thing is for sure: Syllabus Week is still going strong. But is this tradition true to Athens or just an excuse for more drunk shenanigans?

No need to argue the sides to this one, we deem Syllabus Week as DRUNK without hesitation. While we may be one of the few schools who treat it as a holiday, what college student doesn't want to throw a few back before the midterm stress begins to sink in?

Depending on your major and alcohol tolerance, Syllabus Week can be celebrated in many different ways. Many upperclassman have mastered the art of attending class in a still-buzzed state, leaving them prepared for a Sunday Funday or Marathon Monday to begin the upcoming fest season.

Freshmen, if you don’t know how much mental interaction your class may require on the first day, you may want to sit this one out. Sit back with a SOLO cup of Franzia and start training for next semester.

Happy Syllabus Week Bobcats, and get DRUNK for those who just “don’t get it”. 

Written by: Kerry Crump

Thursday, December 6, 2012

#41: Pilfering with a Purpose

A sizable amount of the Ohio University student population is under the age of 21, which poses a significant challenge to a handful of students who come to the university based solely on its party school reputation. Although those students don’t typically have lengthy college careers, they are a part of the Athens culture. The only answer for most 19 year olds who want to drink at the Crystal or Courtside Pizza is to pester someone of age whom they look like to give up an old driver’s license.

Sometimes, underage Bobcats are almost desperate for a fake ID. Take what happened to 23-year-old Information and Technology Systems student Nathaniel Mullins over the past weekend. “My wallet had been missing for about three days,” Mullins said. "I went to my truck to see if it was in there. I discovered it in the bed. When I opened it I was relieved to see my money and credit cards intact, but someone had stolen my driver’s license and OU ID.”

Needless to say Mullins was grateful, angered and impressed, all at the same time. Grateful that the thief was kind enough to not leave him broke, angered that he would have to drive home to northeast Ohio if he ever wanted to go to the bar again, and impressed that the apparently underage bandit was crafty enough to realize that he might need a second form at the door.

Drunk, or Athens?

Obviously the reason for the pilfered license was to get into the bars. This opportunistic thief didn’t want to hurt Mr. Mullins, he just wanted to ensure that his (most likely short lived) college experience lived up to everything he hoped. That’s why this case of juvenile identity theft is nothing more than: ATHENS!

Friday, November 9, 2012

#40: Hey, Sexy Ladies!

With a football team that spent two weeks in the rankings and getting media attention from ESPN and SI, more people across the country are beginning to realize that Ohio University is NOT the same college as Ohio State University. This might be a new feeling for our linebackers, but for the musicians that take the field during halftime the spotlight is old news.
After their first viral video, “Party Rock Anthem”, gained national media attention last year, the most exciting band in the land kept OU students and alum waiting for another hit. When the Marching 110 came out with their rendition of Psy’s “Gangnam Style”, Huffington Post, ESPN, the Today Show and countless others fell in love with the dancing band from bobcat land once again.

So is the Internet stardom of the Marching 110 drunk or Athens?

The Drunk Case:
We may have had two newsworthy videos in two years, but is that number enough to claim our band videos as viral? Party Rock makes the cut with over 8 million views, but the band’s version of Psy’s hit is just over 800,000.

Ohio State was thrown into the viral video world when their marching band performed a video game tribute during a home game against Nebraska. The LA Times even mentioned the Marching band showdown between OU and OSU, dubbing it “the melodious clash of the Ohio marching bands.”

The Athens Case:
OSU may have us beat in YouTube views, with over 14 million, but they don’t have the fan base. Before our recent success, OU football games have had a pretty good attendance rate- until the third quarter. Many students leave the game after halftime, the common phrase “I just came to see the band,” shared between the departing Bobcat fans.

We also have celebrity endorsement on our side. Matt Lauer, famous Scripps' alumnus and current Today Show anchor, gave the 110 a shout out when the video was featured on his show, and Psy has mentioned that Ohio University’s version of “Gangnam Style” is his favorite so far. So where does that leave our little Bobcat band?

Those band kids may party hard, but with the Marching 110’s history of dominating football games, this is a close call for ATHENS.

Written by: Kerry Crump

Friday, October 26, 2012

#39: Athens' Water Sucks, it Really, Really Sucks!

Water is the lifeblood of all living creatures. A human can live for more than a month without sustenance in the form of burnable carbohydrates, but without water, most would perish within five days. Water is not only pertinent to survival, but experienced boozers say that pleasure on a grand scale is an unbeknownst phenomenon to those that have never woke up after a night of binge drinking and inhaled the loveliness of a beer bong filled with ice cold H2O. That is, unless, the water came straight from the faucet of any house within at twelve mile radius of the 45701 area code. Athens is home to many intricacies, but none are more loathed than the seemingly acidic rain that flows from the kitchen sink in every home.

Drunk, or Athens?

Athens: Athens is a small town; host to only a few thousand people between June and August, many of whom were born and raised here, and continue to call the majestic city home. Athens County is also one of the poorest counties in the state of Ohio.  According to the 2010 census, more than thirty percent of households in Athens County live below the poverty line. Why then should tax payer money go toward supplying the local college kids with tastier drinking water, especially considering the disrepair that those same students leave the sleepy mountain town in every spring? Athens’ “townies” are used to the water.  They have no problems with the disgusting liquid that flows from the spigot, and those that do have issue are smart enough to attach a Britta filter to their sink.

Drunk: College students are imperative to the survival of the city of Athens. It is a deep, dark secret that most don’t like to bring up, but it is a fact nonetheless. College students amassed at the gates of College Green demanding cleaner, fresher water would have a monumental impact on the local community’s decision making, but that hasn’t happened. Instead, Ohio University students are content waking up every Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday afternoon, taking a long drag off of their kitchen tap and saying, “Mmmm, I love the fresh taste of liquid aluminum in the morning.” Only one reason can be attributed to the cavalier attitude toward the destruction of the building block of life: The only person more desperate for a luke-warm glass of water than the typical OU student was James Franco in “127 Hours.” The reason students long so dearly for refreshment? When the weekend starts on Wednesday night, mass amounts of the most pleasurable diuretics in southeastern Ohio flow down the gullets of more than fifty percent of the campus.

Verdict: OU students can complain all day about the disgusting water conditions that they face, but until they stop clamoring at the water fountains in Jeff Hall, seeking relief from a well-earned cotton mouth on Sunday morning, no relief is in sight. Which is exactly why this week’s “Drunk, or Athens?” is an obvious call: DRUNK?       

Friday, October 12, 2012

#38: Kegs and Eggs, Enough Said

It's that time of year again! Enjoy the Kegs and Eggs preview post. Photo contributed by

Imagine a magical college town where the bars open with the rising of the sun and close in the wee hours of the morning. The streets are flooded with current students having a good time, and alumni thirsty for one more taste of the college life. As burritos fall from the sky, these weekend warriors finish their shuffles and head to a friend’s house for “Kegs and Eggs” before hitting the town once more.

While it may not rain Big Mamma’s burritos, which is probably good for safety reasons,  Homecoming in Athens isn’t far from this fairytale weekend. Complete with a parade, football game, and great bar deals, it’s one of the few times a year that it’s socially acceptable for those Bobcats now living in the “real world” to be publically intoxicated for two days straight. The unofficially annual “Kegs and Eggs,” held the Saturday morning of the Homecoming football game, is the icing on the cake, rather, the foam at the top of the pint glass.

Drunk, or Athens?

Few things can lure college students out of bed while the sun is still rising, especially on a weekend, but the obscure combination of beer and breakfast staples seems to do the trick. After all, you can’t go to the bars sober. And when they open at 7 a.m., what’s a Bobcat to do?

The positives of Kegs and Eggs are undeniable. If the breakfast festivities begin right after the bars close, then the need for sleep becomes a nonissue. Paired with a plate of greasy scrambled eggs, you can keep drinking for hours without worrying about a hangover. But when it comes down to Drunk or Athens, “Kegs and Eggs” is nothing more than a beer with breakfast.  What’s more drunk than that?

Happy Homecoming Athens, and stay DRUNK “Better Than the Best Ever.”

Written by: Kerry Crump

Sunday, September 30, 2012

#37: What Would You do, for a Free Burrito?

                  Court Street Cuts' odd promotion from last year. Photo contributed by Stephanie Stark.

Last year Court Street Cuts, a local barbershop, offered a deal that would make this guy consider having his ears lowered. A free burrito with a haircut serves multiple purposes. Not only does it attract business in a town that is crazy for the delectable concoction that originated south of the border, but giving away a small dumbbell of tortilla, meat and cheese helps fill the bellies of hungry college students with thin wallets. Obviously, the owner of Court Street Cuts developed this clever plan to make money, while simultaneously planting a “hangover-prevention system” snugly within the confines of those poor college student’s stomachs.

Drunk, or Athens?

Athens: The case for Athens is simple: Athenians love burritos. Almost anywhere else in the country, this gimmick would be laughed out of a marketing meeting. And what’s more, Athens boasts not one, but four burrito joints in a three mile radius. Chipotle and Big Mamma’s nearly share a street corner,  two blocks away is the classy Casa Nueva, and Taco Bell is just a short drive down East State. Four restaurants selling similar product to a population of just over twenty-thousand poor college students is enough to boggle the mind of even the most seasoned economist.

Drunk: The case for drunk is even simpler: Burritos taste better when the consumer is drunk. The proof is evident outside of Big Mamma’s in the wee hours of Saturday and Sunday morning, and again nine hours later inside of Chipotle.        

This case suggests a proof worthy of any Introduction to Logic course textbook. Athenians love burritos. They also love to drink.  Burritos taste better when drunk.  Therefore, they eat more burritos when they drink. We here at Drunk, or Athens prejudged this topic. We were prepared to give this to Athens in a landslide, but after further deliberation it seems obvious that a free burrito with a haircut is purely: DRUNK!