#32: "Nah, somebody probably just lit some shit on fire."

Athens is home to three newspapers: The Athens News, The Athens Messenger and the student-run daily, The Post. 

With Fest Season among us, brilliant quotes from loose-lipped fest goers accompany the always-unflattering photos splayed on the papers’ front pagesand on social media sites for years to come. Most epically in the past few years, we have:


“It used to just be doing drugs and walking around town... You’d trip and get crazy and go see what everybody else was wearing.” -Jonathan Holmberg, Chairman of the Athens Clean and Safe Halloween Committee, Halloween, 2009


Student Senate President, Robert Leary said the scene "could best be described as tribal: a large fire with people standing around chanting." Palmerfest, 2009


"I enjoyed the mud, the blood and the booze," - Junior Heath Urbaniak, 8Fest 2011


“I can’t believe I have to wait another 364 days for this,” OSU student, Halloween, 2009

“Nah, somebody probably lit some shit on fire.” – This girl, Palmerfest 2012.


Drunk, or Athens?


Since 2008, OU has grown from fifth in the nation for partying to first, extended Palmerfest into a two-day event with the addition of Palmer Place Fest, and saw the flourishing of the number fests, which grew to nearly 5,000 in attendance.


It could be that “oasis of freedom” feeling in Athens, but likely it’s that oasis of beer that is running through these people’s bloodstreams that incites this kind of quote.


Drunk.

Show Athens some love.

#31: Famous Dropouts

Athens is proud to have been home to a few celebrities during their stints at Ohio University. OU’s most famous alum include Matt Lauer, the Today Show host, Paul Newman, actor, Richard Dean Anderson, the actor who played MacGyver, and Nancy Cartwright, the voice of Bart Simpson.

Photo taken from random Googling. This is what OU produces. Or does it?

While these celebrities that have graced the bricks of Athens have been honored and awarded every notable alumni award in the book, the fact that all of them are dropouts is swiftly pushed aside.

Drunk, or Athens?

Matt Lauer was four credits short of graduation when he left OU in 1979.
Nancy Cartwright, (also the 2012 commencement speaker) dropped out in 1978.
Richard Dean Anderson dropped out in the 70s.
Paul Newman dropped out in 1950.

Now, these departures could have been the result of big drunken mistakes for all celebrities involved, especially since none of their eventual careers, such as the voice of Bart Simpson, would have been deterred by a record of drunken debauchery anyway.

Instead, none of these celebrities left OU because of poor behavior issues and/or an especially great obsession with Champagne Smoothies at Broney’s.

OU alum becoming pricelessly quirky contributors to pop culture: Athens.




Show Athens some love.

#30: Green Beer Day

Green Beer Day: invented by Oxfordites, perfected by Athenians.

Scene: Pigskin’s patio, 4:30p.m., Wednesday before finals week.

Girl in green: “My friend from Miami just texted me. She said OU’s Green Beer Day can’t even compare to Miami’s. 

I said, ‘It’s Green Beer Day? This is just Wednesday at OU.’”

Drunk, or Athens?

In reality, the bars bled green at an unnaturally early hour on Wednesday, with green beer flowing into $2.50 pitchers before noon, and drunken spectacles traipsing through College Gate to get to class in between plastic cups of Irish pride.

Green Beer Day was swiftly adopted into tradition at OU because of the drunkard’s tendency to turn everything into a reason to drink, as eloquently described in an editorial in The Post:

“You got a C- on that paper? Congratulations man, I’m throwing you a party. Of course we have to celebrate; it’s not every day a guy gets a mediocre grade!”

Before you Northface-and-Uggs-wearing Oxfordites implode, it must be admitted that GBD cannot be attributed to creative Athenian juices or that tendency to turn every situation into a daylong drinking excursion. Invented in 1952 by our western neighbors at Miami University, GBD was originally a refusal to let  finals week interfere with St. Patrick’s Day drunkness (which, in fact, does not fall on finals week anymore).  

Invented by Miami and adopted by OU, Green Beer Day cannot be attributed to Athenians’ creative juices. Instead, it’s just a drunk thing.


Show Athens some love.

#29: The Vice President's Arrest in Athens

Vice President of the United States Joe Biden knows that sometimes, Athens Happens. Photo nicked from the Christian Science Monitor.

When Vice President Joe Biden came to Athens on the campaign trail in 2008, he surprised the crowd with a little confession: during his last and only prior visit to Athens, he was arrested.

The vanilla plain creamer compared to Obama’s full blend has no record. During his 2008 speech, he could have chosen to talk about his inspiring story overcoming monetary and physical burdens during his career, or touch on foreign policy and his opposition to the United States’ involvement in the Middle East, or the economic turmoil as it relates to Ohio's crumbling job sector, as Athens is home to 20,000 future professionals.

Instead, he reminisced about that fateful day of his arrest, describing it as “what he remembers most about Athens,” adding “So folks look, it’s good to be back.”

Drunk, or Athens?

Biden’s arrest is a priceless nugget of pride for Athens, but apparently was not directly related to drunken debauchery. In his speech he explained that he came to Athens with the University of Delaware for a game, and at that time, men weren’t legally allowed in women’s residence halls.

A CBS article quoted his explanation:

"'I wandered in, I met this lovely group of Ohio University…students," Biden said winkingly to laughs from the crowd.

"And uh, without knowing it...I just said to two young women I had met, I said well I'll come with you, and they said okay, and I walked into their dormitory and was immediately accosted by a cop who arrested me because back in those days men were not allowed in women's dormitories."

Whether the incident was alcohol-induced is left up to the imagination; but the fact that the Vice President of the U.S. is aware that sometimes, Athens happens, is exemplary of our little town’s nationally-recognized notoriety. 

Athens.

Show Athens some love.

#28: Perk's wrong-way tallies

Mounted on a wall in Perk's coffee shop is a running tally of cars that drive the wrong direction down the one-way road in the busiest part of uptown: Where Union crosses Court. 

Perk's, which is actually labeled Whit's outside and Perk's inside- but is curiously only known as Perk's, is surrounded in giant window perfect for people-watching on Court. Perk's is situated at the crossroads of Court and Union, a pivotal point where OU's campus blends with the City of Athens. 

Witnessing employees at Perk's started the tally years ago ,they said, and pages upon pages of tallies are evidence of that. It happens so frequently that they begin a new tally each quarter; they are now at 35. It is Week 7.

Drunk, or Athens?

                                                                         

The case for drunk: This epidemic could be caused by Athenian students and Athenians alike drunk driving to Jackie O’s of The Union. However, the ability to walk to the dozens of uptown bars keeps Athens’ ratio of drunk-to-drunk-driver fortunately low. According to City-data.com, the number of recorded fatalities caused by drunk drivers in Athens is consistently below Ohio’s average. The number of fatalities caused by drunk drivers in Athens has gone above Ohio’s average in only three of the past 20 years.

The case for Athens: There is no allowance to go directly from East Union, that stretch of road that encompasses Jeff Hill and College Green that nobody actually calls East Union, across Court to West Union. At that intersection, the bricks are just a little extra broken and cars consistently compete for dominance when clearly pedestrians are more plentiful. And, the City of Athens never bothered to specify that a car going straight would be going the wrong way down a one-way street. Like the rest of its infamous structural deficiencies such as potholes and boil orders, the lack of sign at this busy intersection is typically Athens. 


Show Athens some love.

#27: Burrito droppings

Splatters of rice and cheese dot the bricks of Court St. A quarter of a tortilla, doused in ranch and wrapped in foil, lies frozen in the cracks of Mill Hill sidewalks. The steps of Athens County Courthouse are consistently covered in Mexican cuisine.

A burrito dropping. There must have been a drunk here last night.

Because of the similarity of tossed contents, the droppings are at first assumed to be vomit. With a closer look, it's just a burrito.

The City of Athens is home to ten burrito venues, a few of which are open much later than an acceptable hour in which to eat a bean-filled brick of carbs. With the lines at Big Mama’s stretching out the door until 3 a.m. nightly and Burrito Buggy placed conveniently between the bars and the dorms, Athens is regularly coated in burrito droppings.

Drunk, or Athens?

It could be an Athens-thing: Being so close to the Motherload, the stairs to the Courthouse are covered daily in a mess of rice, ranch, cheese and foil. They have long held a sign directing visitors from the entrance at the top of the stairs to the real entrance underneath, as if to formalize that the stairs function only to seat the people spilling out of Big Mama’s across the street.

But remnants of sloppy drunken noshing are found anywhere there is an influx of drunks; these splotches of Mexico littered around town cannot be attributed to the weird and wonderful that makes Athens what it is.

Just a drunk thing.




Show Athens some love.

#26: A 24-hour smoke shop.

Steamed in incense and drenched in tie-dye, The Import House appears to be an alternative shop for the ever-revolutionary underdog. 


But with stores strategically built in the most liberal-loving regions of Ohio- Columbus, Yellow Springs and Athens- The Import House is as business-savvy as the business-frat-bros’ “networking” excuse to party. Until this year, The Import House has had a monopoly on the Athens smoke scene, which is supported locally by subtle references such as this:

And this:

Alas, Twilight Boutique- which started in Northeast Ohio and then tellingly opened branches in Athens and Las Vegas- debuted this year, creating The Import House’s first competition for supportive supplies for the vast underground market.

Twilight Boutique’s smoke shops are open 24/7 and are smartly placed at the finish line of the infamous shuffle, Broney’s.

With the exception of Wal-Mart and O’Bleness Memorial Hospital, Twilight Boutique stands as the only shop open 24/7 in Athens.

Drunk, or Athens?

The ever-monopolizing Wal-Mart, which sits at the end of civilization- the end of East State Street- and O’Bleness Memorial Hospital, share the quality that neither are places anyone wants to utilize at 4:30 a.m. 
The same cannot be applied to Twilight Boutique, stocked with tapestries, drinking games and the only kind of intricate glassware used while sloppily drunk.

Only in Athens would a Wal-Mart, a hospital and a smoke shop be the only places open 24/7.

Athens.